Parshas Vayishlach - What's in a Name?

“And it came to pass, as her [Rachel’s] soul was departing – for she died – that she called his name Ben Oni, but his father [Jacob] called him Benjamin.” (Genesis 35:18)

“Ben Oni means the son of my grief, but Jacob called him ‘son of the right hand’ i.e. son of the strength, the power, stressing the brighter meaning of the word Oni. Jacob kept the original name that Rachel gave Benjamin, following all of his other children who were called by the names given to them by their mothers. Jacob merely put a more positive spin on the name.” (Ramban ibid)

Rachel, the eternal Jewish mother, who risked her entire destiny just to save her sister Leah from embarrassment, is the only one of our ancestors whose cries on behalf of the Jewish people will ultimately be heeded. How could such a devout woman jinx her son with such a macabre name? There is even a Midrashic opinion that she deliberately gave him an Aramaic name, so that her cry of pain wouldn't be emitted in the Holy tongue. What was she thinking?

Before answering this question, some background information on the significance of names is imperative. An Indian Chief was accosted by a young brash tribe member insistent on finding out the Chief's secret method in naming newborns. After putting off the young man for some time, the Chief finally confessed his secret. "When I gaze up at the horizon and see a soaring eagle I name the baby soaring eagle. When I look into the distance and a running deer catches my glance, I name the baby running deer. But why do you ask, Oh garbage can!" Regardless of other traditions, Judaism assigns tremendous value to a name.

The Midrash (Tanchuma Haazinu 7) asseverates that parents must be quite diligent in choosing a righteous name for their child, because a name contains within it the persons spiritual DNA. The Talmud (Berachos 7) relates how the Talmudists used to assess people based on their names.

The Great Kabbalist Rabbi Yitzchak Luria known by the title Ari z”l (1534-1572) writes, “The name given to a child by its parents becomes the child’s spiritual name. There exist no coincidental names in this world; rather the name chosen by the child’s parents is in fact divinely influenced. This name reflects the essence of the child’s soul.” (Sefer Hagiligulim Ch. 59, Introduction to Shaar Hagilgulim 23)

Rabbi Chaim Yosef David Azulai better known as the Chida (1724-1806) writes, “G-d influences parents to name after a tzaddik based on the child’s spiritual makeup, because a persons name reflects the persons actions and essence of their soul.” (Sefer Pnei Dovid – Miketz 9)

Rabbi Moshe Cordevero known by the acronym Ramak, in his work Sefer Ohr Yakar (Noach, Shaar 1, Siman 3) has it that a parent receives a prophesy when naming a child and the name given may actually contain an unbeknownst revelation about this child’s future.” We now see that naming a child isn’t as simple as flipping through a name book and choosing a name that catches the parents fancy. The child’s destiny depends on this decision.

With this background let us now return to Rachel’s naming of Ben Oni. On her deathbed she began shuddering at the very thought of her soon-to-be orphaned son going astray. Without his mother to raise him, she feared that the worst would result, thereby casting away the hope of Jacob’s twelve righteous sons perpetuating the tradition. She therefore named him “the son of my grief”, in the belief that he would cause her endless grief in the Higher World. Jacob however, promised Rachel that he would fill in as both the father and the mother. He therefore took that same name and reestablished it as a positive spiritual name. Rachel’s name would have acted as Benjamin’s spiritual destiny if Jacob hadn’t jumped in to reassure the future. Rachel would never have cursed her child for causing her death; she was rather engaged in a spiritual cry for the future. That’s what she was focused on as she was departing. (Sefer Divrei Agada by Rabbi Elyashiv)

In a similar vein, the commentator Daas Zekeinim m'Baalei haTosfos explains the name Ben Oni as portending the terrible tragedy of pilegesh b'givah - concubine in Givah (Judges 19) which occurred to Benjamin's descendant’s many years later. Rachel was prophesying the future in giving him this ominous name. Jacob however saw the positive even in that terrible tragedy that those who were righteous in the tribe of Benjamin ultimately persevered. That is why Jacob named him Benjamin, reflecting the remainder who were meritorious. (See Chasam Sofer)

May it be the will of G-d that the prayer of “Mama Rachel (our mother Rachel) cry for us again, Won't you shed a tear for your dear children, If you raise your sweet voice now as then, The final redemption will arrive, and we will all return back home again”, be fulfilled speedily in our times. Amen.

POINTS FOR DISCUSSION: What does your Jewish name mean to you? Who are you named after? Why should you be called by your Jewish name?